Use affirmation to build your child’s confidence

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Singer, actor and now a budding motivational speaker, Raageshwari writes about the importance of affirmative behaviour for both, parents and childrenEvery child has a song in their heart. You, as a parent give them that song. It could be about success and happiness or about pain and struggles.

Remember, children don’t listen to you, but ape you! Hence it’s so important to introduce them to a world of goodness, success, confidence and self-worth. All of us are slaves to our habitual continual patterns, that’s why most ‘well-meaning’ parents pass on their patterns to their children unknowingly. So, if the parents are unhappy, frightened or often made to feel guilty, you will find the child turns reticent and nervous in school. Similarly, if the parents are too busy and reprimand a child often, that makes for a pattern wherein the child becomes a menace up to mischief so he can be reprimanded often. The child translates that into attention from his busy parents.

Your relationship with your child will define his/her future. We treat ourselves just the way our parents treated us. We often feel guilty for the smallest things as adults, if we grew up hearing ‘You are so irritating’ or ‘You always trouble Mama and Papa’.

How many times have you stopped by the mirror and told yourself, ‘You are a genius and I love you’? It will all depend on how many times you heard that as a child. But we can’t be blaming our parents now, as they were well-meaning and they were never loved in that manner either.

Hence, it’s time to break this pattern and fill our children with thoughts of abundance, confidence, happiness and triumph through affirmations.

During the Panchatantra Era, women would ‘affirm’ even to their unborn children in their wombs with thoughts of success, triumph and achievements. I guess that’s why we had such scholars in that era. Words and behaviour of parents were considered imperative during the formative years of a child.

There is no degree or certificate for a perfect parent. Everyone is always learning. The key is first love yourself then you will learn the true meaning of loving your child. First forgive yourself, then you will forgive your child. First give yourself a chance, then you will easily give a chance to your child and others. You can only conquer with love and the first step is always an affirmation!

Badly behaved children
Background: Children behave badly as they copy the actions of their elders. They also behave badly to seek attention or when are bored with high expectations.

Course of action: We need to first discipline ourselves. Don’t punish, but rather talk about consequences. Chat with your child, keep it light. Reward every good action of theirs and celebrate it.

Affirmations:
Parents: I am calm and loving in all situations. Parenting is fun. It is okay to sometimes let go.
Child: I have the best smile in the world. I look best when I’m calm. I behave like an angel.

Struggling parents
Background:
When parents have limited resources or are constantly struggling, lamenting in front of children will shape them into unhealthy extremes. Either the child will be meek, almost expecting failure or the child will be defiant, unwilling to share. His mind has been fed with patterns that “we are always short of money”, “good work is never valued”, “life is tough”.
Course of action: While it is important to have these conversations with spouses, they should talk in private. It is important to reassure the child that things are fine.
Affirmations:
Parents:
We are on a road to success. We are grateful for the treasures like our child. We are magnets for miracles.
Child: I am kind, generous and loving. Life is easy and beautiful. Everyday is my lucky day.

Quarrelsome parents
Background:
When parents fight, it perplexes children and creates uncertainty in their minds. For a child, his/her parents are a team, so parents fighting is an unwelcome concept. Children from these families often get get ear infections, thanks to subconscious thoughts (‘I don’t want to hear this. Please be quiet’). Divorced parents tend to pull each other down in front of their children. This traumatises them. Later, the child copes, by playing the same game.
Course of action: Just stop the pattern!
Affirmations:
Parents: Harmony surrounds me and my partner. I listen with love. I talk with love.
Child: My mama and papa love each other. My mama and papa love me. I listen with love. I talk with love.

Ideas to make affirmations fun
- Have ‘affirmation parties’ every evening with family. Write fun affirmations as mentioned above on chits of paper. Pick one and make it the affirmation for the day.
- Write inspiring affirmations and send them in lunch boxes or subject books as surprises.
- Fingertips have memory, hence writing affirmations everyday is doubly powerful.
- ‘Affirmations’ work miraculously in front of the mirror as all fears are released, with tears sometimes. So have mirror shindigs and let each family member affirm in front of the mirror.

Special educational needs (low faring children)
Background: For example, I personally struggled with Algebra (My parents often said ‘These sums are tough’). I was good in languages (They kept affirming ‘Oh English is so easy’).
Course of action: Affirmations can work miracles to improve grades. What you say is what the child believes, hence affirm that all subjects are fun, especially the ones being fared poorly in.
Affirmations:
Parents:
I gladly motivate my child in his studies. My child is a growing genius. I allow my child to express freely.
Child: Algebra is my new best friend and we have fun together. I am a growing genius. Learning is such fun.

Affirmations are life changers!
Renowned author Jack Canfield (he’s also Raageshwari’s mentor), says “Affirmations are the most powerful way to reprogram the limiting beliefs that keep us stuck in low self-esteem and resignation. Affirmations can change your life.”

Source : http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/parenting/Use-affirmation-to-build-your-childs-confidence/articleshow/21549894.cms